Monday, September 24, 2012

Hello Australia!

Its great to be home.
Our trip overseas was AWESOME but, you know what they say ....

{except Grandmas}
I tried to put a link to my mums' blog on my sidebar, as she was doing some journalish post on where we were going - but it didn't work
oh well.
In other news...
* My rabbit Queen Cinnamon has an eye infection
* His Royal Highness King Bailey of the Fireplace has no fire in his place, but is being quite friendly with us and with HRH Cinnamon, which was completely unexpected. We thought he would be gone for the day, after being locked in the garage for three weeks. Interesting.
*my bed is the most comfortable I've slept in all month.
*I love the smell of dad cooking on the BBQ. Yum yum.
* I nearly  kissed the ground at the airport after being on a plane for 13 hours.
*We got home at midnight.
*I'm about to get off this so we can watch "Beauty and the Beast"

Love Sararose xox
{night night}

Monday, September 17, 2012

*Things To Do In An Elevator*

1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

5) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

9) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”

10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”

12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers,“This is MY personal space!”

Love Sararose xox

Saturday, September 15, 2012

*How to properly place New Employees*

This is a suggestion from a Human Resources Manager.

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.

2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.

3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.

4. Then analyse the situation:

   a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.

   b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.

   c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.

   d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.

   e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.

   f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.

   g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.

   h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.

    i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.

   j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.

  k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.

   l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

  m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.

Love Sararose xox

Ps. Am I making you laugh yet?

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Sherlock's Holiday

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went on a camping trip; they set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, Sherlock Holmes woke Watson and said: “Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”
Sherlock then asked, “What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute… “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
...What does it tell you?”

Sherlock was silent for a moment, and then said,“It’s elementary my dear Watson...Someone has stolen our tent”.

Love Sararose

Saturday, September 8, 2012

What is Confidence?

A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology; it is an uncrewed aircraft.
Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO remains on board the jet seeming very clam indeed. When asked why he was so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replied,

----*scroll down*-----

---*keep scrolling*---

"If it is the same software that runs my company's I.T. systems, this plane won't even take off."

That is called Confidence!!!!!!

Love Sararose xox

Thursday, September 6, 2012

*Disorder in the Court*


    There is a book called Disorder in the Court.

    These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters – who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Some of these are excellent …

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?

A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.


Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: By whose death was it terminated?


Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Love Sararose xox

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

*School Days*

     The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students of USA. As one teacher noted, “It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!”

1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygen and Hydrogen. Oxygen is pure gin. Hydrogen is gin and water.

2. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

3. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

4. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

5. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

6. To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

7. The parts of speech are lungs and air.

8. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

9. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

11. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

12. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
13.Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

14. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.

17. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.

18. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

19. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

21. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

22. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

23. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.


Sunday, September 2, 2012

*General Motors reply to BILL GATES*

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, “If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics …

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car!

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull-over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five per cent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.